fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
