one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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