Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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