We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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