Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
