I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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