I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
