he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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