dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
