I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
