its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
