i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So much rum. So many feels.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
