Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
