You really coming over, don't trick.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
