Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
