I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let's get the cat blown out
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
