the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
