i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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