Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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