sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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