I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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