none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
