I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
