There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
