And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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