I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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