I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
