Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
