tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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