sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I could fuck to npr.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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