Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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