Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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