i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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