I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
