sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
