I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
