I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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