Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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