I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
