I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
