I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
