i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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