So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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