if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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