I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
