Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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