I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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