just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
