I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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