I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
