Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
